Weird Things About Weight Loss Surgeries

1-The Surgery Results in Uncontrollable Shitting

Here’s what you need to know right away: if you’ve had surgery for weight loss, you’re vulnerable to “dumping syndrome,” which is exactly what it sounds like. It happens when foods that are high in sugar or simple carbohydrates, aka everything that tastes good, get processed too quickly by your newly-neutered digestive system, resulting in sweating, shaking, intense cramps, vomiting, and of course, uncontrollable diarrhea.It can happen the instant you swallow the offending food, it may hit you hours later, or it may not happen at all. You might go months thinking you’re in the clear, and then one day, one tiny bite of ice cream does you in. It gives the word “crapshoot” a whole new meaning.

2-Just Convincing Them You Need the Surgery Is Hard as Hell

The cost of bariatric Weight Loss Surgeries usually covered by insurance, though not out of the charitable altruism these companies are known for. Successful patients will almost certainly experience fewer health problems down the line, so paying five figures now means not paying six figures later. Before they’ll pay up, however, they require pages and pages of proof that you’re not faking the whole thing (presumably with a fat suit like Martin Lawrence in Big Momma’s House).Typically, the starting requirement is having a BMI over 40 (that is, a six foot-tall male would have to weigh at least 300 lbs), or being at least 35 with life-threatening conditions. So no, it’s not an option for anyone who wants to drop 25 pounds so they’ll look better at the beach. Once that condition is satisfied, some insurance companies like Kaiser require months of classes, support groups, and diet and exercise regimens.

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